Ok up-to-date

OK so a friend bugged me about updating my.post, which I did mention in my last post. So here's what has happened a lot of family drama, no I haven't told my family that I'm gay, and want to keep it that way.
     The drama...well the drama comes from each of us in my family for me its not having a job and student loans i have to pay, which is now behind plus my credit cards. What really pisses me off is that my other brothers are always broke and need money from my mom. My oldest works for the IRS and makes good money, so does my younger, he work a private company.
     But both dont save there money for thing like bills, food, etc. instead they spend it on computers, rpg games, getting stuff they dont need, and when they need for a bill they ask my mom, so I have stop asking my mom for money because my other brother zap all her money. And yet she doesn't say a word to them. And it make me confused, depressed, angry, because she yells at for not having a job, I cant get a job because I have to my parents car, which is also being used by my oldest brother. So travel to anywhere out of where i live is impossible.
     And nobody in my ward want to learn how to bake or cook. They say its cool and everything but none of the want to learn. I feel that they think its weird for me to do stuff like that. I need to make money, but nobody is wanting to help. Even a couple a buck from a person each day will help.
     So on my wards Facebook page I posted an ad for me to either show or make them a gingerbread house for $25. That's not bad for the house I make and I posted a picture of house to show them what I can look like, but my ward doesn't care anybody really.
      I know that's harsh to say but its true, I see people have better callings or have more involvement in church. Some people told me that they want me to do an activity for fhe one week they never told me the date and a couple of weeks later, an baking activity. I was so upset I wanted to kill myself.
     People say they care, but actions speak louder than words!! Also my elders quorum is the most unorganized home teaching ever, they dont have list of people to visit or companions, etc. and there excuse is because it a small ward. I call it being lazy!!
    As for being gay, well that a battle that nobody will understand. I'm learning and reading books about how all (me being gay) came to be. I really cant turn to religion because almost every I know will say the same thing. Especially a person named 'Evil Person' when I told him I was reading a book about how I came to be and I said that religion was only part of the answer he up a wall. He started to question the book I was reading, and wondered if the were lds members. I told they were not, but they understood the challenges of being gay in a christian religion. He told me to stop reading and only rely on god and the scriptures. I got same point from other people I talk too.
     And be honest I dont know whats going to happen to me down the road....
      .....for a long time I have been holding back on acting out, but now....i dont anybody cares....
      ....the members  of my ward move on without me, I feel they choose to ignore me, but its there choice. I cant even fit in my ward because im gay....who in my lds ysa ward would want a gay friend??? I already a friend because he might be a 'victim'. That's why im by myself, nobody can judge me.