My Life

It has been a long time since i was on here i will be giving a major update soon.

I am deeply sorry for not updating my post it has been too long since I wrote in my blog. So....i dont really know where to start. Well....is not easy...still the only gay mormon here in the fresno and is willing to talk to me more than once. For the longest time I had an ad posted on craiglist lookinf for other gay mormons. I did get responses most of them where short emails that did not last very long. Or we would meet in person and they turn out to be.....speical, and most of all none of them were members of my church. All do not understand the culture of my religous belief.  I have slowly given up hope in find some  close to where I live. And now in recently that will be harder to find people. I recently landed a job in yellowstone national park. And now im going just over 1000 miles away. And in the middle of nowhere.

Well I am here at church....it has been a while since I have beeb here I missed the last two sundays and today i have mixed feeling here in the foyer. I glad that im here, but at the same time feel so isolated.  It has been a long lonely and hard for me to find other gay mormons here in Fresno....its easy to find other gay people. Man.....sometime I wonder if its even worth it....

Its seems that after some research, and no matter how it looks like it doesn't seem to any local (within the Central Valley) a place were there are other gay Mormons. Until i find some other people that around here it seems that i am the only here. Also i was thinking of creating a group for local gay Mormons here in the Central Valley because it seem the closest places are either San Fransisco or Los Angles. Both would be a days trip. The only problem i see is trying to get the word out for people to that there is a group here in the Valley. Any tips would be help. Thanks to anybody who reads this.

There is no way of expressing how much hate i have for living here in Fresno or even in California. I am way depressed, even thought of killing myself....being a gay Mormon in Fresno is so freaking hard and is beyond and challenge that i will face. i just joined a new site for gay Mormons and i some how thought that it would be easier to find people from California, but no......it fact its mostly people from Utah or Arizona . But only two people from California and go figure they both live in the Los Angles Area. WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL I WANT IS TO FIND ANOTHER GAY MORMON HERE IN FRESNO OR CLOVIS AREA I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE TO DRIVE A LITTLE WAYS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE THE ONLY GAY MORMON IN FREAKING FRESNO/CLOVIS AREA.

      As the title says this is about an impossible dream, and i don't mean 'a dream' as in a goal but as in a dream, the ones you get while you are asleep. It almost like the one i had posted earlier. This what i had dreamed.      It was weird, i was with my family and we were on a dock full of ship i was with some hot guy whom, i loved and he truly loved me in return, he was about the same height as i, but built, not like a body builder, but he had muscle and he was very caring and sweet and was did not care what my parents had thought of me being gay and he would still beside me, even if he wasn't. I was worried that my parents would find out. We go on a yacht and something happens, i don't know what but i know, that we were hold hands, and again something happens in which i get upset and leave and hop on another boat and i start crying, when my lover come and ask whats wrong, i told him that my mom know, and he replies that she already knew, and that he told he